D.E.M. v. D.B.A. Date:, 2014 BCPC 376

Citation: D.E.M. v. D.B.A. Date: 20141125 2014 BCPC 0376 File No: 14-4574 Registry: Williams Lake IN THE PROVINCIAL COURT OF BRITISH COLUMBIA IN THE MATTER OF THE FAMILY LAW ACT , S.B.C. 2011 c. 25 BETWEEN: D. E. M. APPLICANT AND: D. B. A. RESPONDENT RULING OF THE HONOURABLE JUDGE E. L. BAYLIFF Appearing on their own behalf: DEM Appearing on their own behalf: DBA Place of Hearing: Williams Lake , B.C.

Date of Hearing: November 24, 2014 Date of Judgment: November 25, 2014 [ 1 ] This matter came on for Case Conference today. We ran out of time to deal with the issue of a long term plan for parenting S during the special Christmas days of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. In the short term, the parties have agreed that for Christmas 2014, S will spend Christmas Eve with her mother DEM and Christmas Day with her father DBA. [ 2 ] I have sent the issue to the Judicial Case Manager to

schedule a ½ hearing with a Pre-Trial Conference about 6 weeks ahead. In the meantime, I said that I would put down a few ideas for the parties to consider in hopes that they might still be able to reach a consent about this issue, without the need of a trial. [ 3 ] The following are some possible options: 1. School Christmas break: care of S is to be shared more or less equally between the parents on times and dates agreed except that S shall always spend Christmas Eve with the Mother and Christmas Day with the Father; or 2.

School Christmas break: care of S is to be shared more or less equally between the parents on times and dates agreed except that, starting in 2015, the Father shall have the care of S for the full day on December 24 th , 25 th and 26 th (“the special Christmas days”) in each odd numbered year and the Mother shall have the care of S on the special Christmas days in each even numbered year beginning in 2016; or 3. School Christmas break: (

a) care of S is to be shared more or less equally between the parents on times and dates agreed; and (

b) in the case of December 24 th and 25 th (“the special days”), as a general rule, and in recognition of the Christmas Eve tradition in the Mother’s family, the Mother shall have the care of S on Christmas Eve and the Father shall have the care of S on Christmas Day; and (

c) the parties acknowledge the need to be flexible about this to accommodate, for example, the Father’s desire to sometimes have the care of S on Christmas Eve and/or to facilitate both parents’ desire to sometimes have the care of S for both of the special days in order to facilitate a visit to relatives or for some other special event. My Comments on the Options [ 4 ] Having spent some time discussing this issue with the parties I tend to favour the third option.

I was impressed with the efforts that both parents were making to try to communicate better and to try to be more respectful of each other’s needs and desires. I think DBA and DEM have a good chance of making a flexible term (such as # 3 above) work. [ 5 ] It sounds to me like the [omitted for publishing} tradition is a good one for S to be part of. But, I do understand DBA’s desire to establish his own traditions around Christmas with his daughter. I also think it’s not a bad thing to “break with tradition” once in a while and do something different for Christmas with S.

Both parents may occasionally want to do that. For example, DBA may sometimes want to take all three of the “special days” to take S to visit her paternal grandmother in Maple Ridge, or, another example

would be if either DBA or DEM wanted to take S to Disneyland over Christmas.

These are just examples of the sort of things that could be done, if the parties agreed, under a flexible Order of the sort I propose in # 3 above. [ 6 ] Regarding DBA’s desire to establish his own traditions around Christmas with S, it may be that he could achieve this goal just as well by choosing some other day than Christmas Eve for his special tradition with S - maybe “sledding with a bonfire and cocoa afterwards” on Boxing Day, or a New Year’s tradition rather than a Christmas tradition, with special food, clothes, decorations and activities, is the way to go rather than by periodically taking S away from the already established [omitted for publishing] event on Christmas Eve. [ 7 ] The key, I think, is to respect each other’s wishes as much as possible and to demonstrate that respect in a real way by really listening, really trying to understand the other person’s need but also remembering that it is S’s best interests rather than either parent’s need that should always be front and centre. [ 8 ] I hope DBA and DEM can continue to communicate and that they can reach a consent on the Christmas issue.

But if not, the wheels are in motion to have a trial of the issue before a judge so that there is a resolution well ahead of Christmas 2015. _________________________ E. L. Bayliff Provincial Court Judge